It Begins

It Begins

Hi everyone! I hope you’re all staying sane and safe in these turbulent times.

My Substack, Transient Thought, is finally here! The past 2+ months have been an exhausting whirlwind of change: ending my life on one continent, visiting roughly 12 locations across 6 countries, experiencing health challenges, going through a breakup, and watching things devolve in the US as I start organizing to help others who need to flee. I think of those of you back in the US often! If we haven’t chatted, here’s a taste of what you missed:

The journey: I packed up my life and said my goodbyes in July and have been going from country to country for over two months since. So far I’ve been in Madrid, Amsterdam, Berlin, Copenhagen, a farm house in rural Sweden (Ripsa), Stockholm, Uppsala, the Hague, Rotterdam, Wageningen, Antwerp, and Brussels. I’ve slept in hostels and hotels, strangers’ couches and friends’ childhood homes. I’ve managed to forage and grow my own food, eaten at community kitchens, cooked with strangers in hostels, survived on cup noodles and PB&Js, and treated myself to occasional nice meals out. I’ve seen beautiful architecture, history and art museums, and weird performance art. Along the way, I’ve met with many LGBTQ+ organizations, immigrant and asylee organizations, and countless friendly strangers and new friends who offered listening ears, comforting words, insights, hugs, free beer, a meal, and the occasional couch. Many people in Europe are watching what’s happening in the US with great concern and sympathy. We have more allies in the struggle than we know; we just have to meet them.

The breakup: Some of you may be wondering what happened with my partner, Eden. We are no longer speaking currently. Their health devolved further and they were unable to make it to Ireland on the originally planned timeline, prompting a sudden, extreme breakdown in communications from them, followed by a break up, and a hostile response to my attempts to get them to provide an explanation or have a call with me. Last I knew, they had an unexpected refill on the medicine that’s been hard to access, but they were barely getting through the day. I worry about them, but I do not know how they are and doubt that will change. I added the loss to the pile from leaving my old life and worked through the grief on a farmhouse in rural Sweden. The sheep, forests, and a kind Swedish woman (shout out to Sylvia) saw me through. I’m not sure I would have left the US had I known I would be on this journey alone indefinitely, but I think it’s for the best that I did.

Watching the US from afar:

Things have devolved in the US far faster than I imagined, though some of the things I expected have to come to pass. I anticipated the occupation of DC and the threat to other cities, but I didn’t think it’d hit so soon after leaving. The growing crackdowns on dissent and anti-fascism are unsurprising, but alarming in the scope of their implications. The scapegoating of trans people shocks me only in the way it was done following the assassination of Charlie Kirk by a cisgender man. It seems to me that the US is on track for a civil war, or simply a dictatorship if there’s no coordinated widespread resistance, though unexpected curve balls can drastically change things overnight. I do not think we will see a peaceful transfer of power; there is rarely a peaceful path out of fascism once power has been consolidated to this degree. Organizing on the local, state, national and international level seems like the best hope we have for getting out of this mess.

If you haven’t already, I encourage you to reflect on what role you want to and can realistically play in all of this and where you can be best positioned to do that with a level of risk you find tolerable. If you (or others you know) decide you want or need to leave, I’m always happy to be a thought partner and share resources! Staying or going is an extremely personal choice and there’s merits and drawbacks to both. While leaving can be stigmatized and misperceived as abandonment, people can’t effectively resist if they can’t function, maintain their freedom, afford basic needs, and stay alive. Leaving is a matter of survival for many and there is no shame in taking actions in pursuit of safety and wellness. Plus, there’s no shortage of work that can be done from afar.

Occasionally I think of returning to the US, but I know it’d likely only be a matter of weeks to months before I need to flee under worse circumstances. Though I could have timed my departure closer to immediate personal threat, and I miss the life I had, I do not regret leaving and undergoing this strange and often difficult journey. Some days I wish I could be on the streets protesting and documenting what is happening, but that’s not what I’m best positioned to do.

The organizing: My attempts to find and expand a network of organizations and individuals who want to help people who need to flee the US has been successful, though its not quick work. One platform has recently been established to broadly help people figure out how to leave: Help Me Leave. I’m in conversation with the folks running it about the best way to partner. I’ve also been in contact with Rainbow Railroad and other trans or LGBTQ+ relocation focused organizations, exploring partnership opportunities. These developing relationships are complemented by the established networks I have in the US, other individuals who fled the US, and the many supportive individuals I’ve met on my travels.

In nearly every city I’ve visited, I’ve connected with at least one organization that supports asylum seekers, immigrants, and/or the LGBTQ+ community. Informational interviews have provided helpful insights on local political dynamics, support systems, asylum and immigration processes, poverty, and various forms of discrimination. Unsurprisingly, similar challenges with bigotry, fascism, housing and employment, and divestment from social support programs are common throughout Europe, though they vary in severity and manifestation. More to come on what I’ve learned once I recover from the second leg of my journey through the EU.

Looking ahead: I head to Prague and then Vienna soon, before spending at least a month with a friend in Albania. Rent is cheap there and US Americans can stay a year without a visa. I may find a furnished apartment to rent and use as a safe place for myself and others who need to flee the US to stay in while figuring out visas and their future. That will give me the relative stability I need to organize remotely, apply to universities and jobs, and rest. I may check out some other countries after catching my breath. In the long term, I’ll likely attend university to complete a masters in public policy or a similar program next September. Going forward, I hope to use this platform to provide at least a monthly update on my life and emerging thoughts, and share out resources. Stay in the loop by subscribing below, if you haven’t already!

Want to get in touch? Feel free to email me (fleurian.filkins@proton.me) or find me on WhatsApp (+34 673 45 42 63). My phone number might change later this month, but my email won’t! I’d love to hear from you!

In solidarity,

Fleur